For those of you who don't know Mewser, she was quite old - we are not sure how old as I got her from a rescue centre. We think she was probably about 15 years old. I've had her for seven years. When she came to me she was so skinny, terrified and obviously had been abused. It took six months to earn her trust and she eventually blossomed in to the most affectionate and loyal friend.
Last year Mewser developed kidney disease, a common terminal disease in older cats with no treatment or cure. She also suffered a stroke earlier this year which left her legs weak and she was also blinded. Since then her life had gone downhill, every day was difficult for her. But she would still purr and loved our company. We were not ready to say goodbye.
This week when the vet said that we had to do something, there was no do nothing option, we decided that she had been brave enough and it was time to let her go to peace. It was one of the most distressing things I have ever had to do, it all happened so quickly that one moment she was there and the next she was gone forever.
What was good was that we bought her body home with us, I was able to talk to her and say goodbye. I asked for her forgiveness and understanding that we loved her so much that we had to put her welfare ahead of our feelings of loss.
It's hard when you lose someone close to you, the added guilt that I had made the decision to end her life weighs heavily on me. I don't feel like much of a cat momma for doing it. In time I know that I will feel that I did the responsible thing. Her life had degenerated so much that it was not fair to keep her alive just so I could have her presence in my life. I had always known that I would have to make this decision if she did not die naturally. I had hoped against hope that she would slip peacefully away in her sleep.
The little black furry void which has been left in my life is hard to bear at the moment, I keep thinking I hear her stirring behind me or calling me from the kitchen to feed her. I try not to think of her last moments in the vets but more of her happy moments and the love that we shared.
I am very glad that I made these videos about Mewser, you can see all her antics here. http://www.youtube.com/